"I Do Not have ocd" Written by Jessica Gulledge
I do not have OCD OCD OCD
I just have been blessed with the constant ticks in my head
the numbers spread out in my brain
the images ironed in the back of my eyes
and the ability to replay any moment or image
over and over and over again.
I have been blessed with thoughts like an avalanche,
everything starts quiet and then
thoughts rumble and intensify and destroy any hope for me to focus,
to focus, to focus
I have been blessed with an alarm system built into my cranium
telling me to run when skies are clear and
the birds are chirping
and not a reasonable fear in sight
I've been blessed to know that if I told anybody what I truly think
they'll explain to me that rocket science equations make more sense
and that I need to stop worrying about the small stuff
when in reality
the only "small stuff" in this world of ours
is me
I've been blessed with a disorder that doesn't bother me
it tortures me
because I now have to say OCD OCD OCD three times
in the fear that it will worsen if I say it once more or once less
and I have to remember to be prepared for death
every time I walk out that door because I am so uncertain
and so scared of not being prepared for anything and everything
I have been blessed to realize I'm not really blessed at all.